just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
