why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
