i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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