tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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