I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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