Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
