Im at strip club and am horny
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
