I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
