Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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