At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
