If i come over, it means nothing
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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