I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
