We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
