I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
