He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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