sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
