I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
