Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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