I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
