I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
