I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
