Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
