I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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