Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
