Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
