Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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