My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
