that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
