I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
