I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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