i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
