Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
