Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
