I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
