Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
