i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
