He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There are leaves in my underwear?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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