Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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