According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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