He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
