I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
