We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
