He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
