I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
