He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
