She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
