omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
