That's intense
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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