he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
