Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
