so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
