tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
