So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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