yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
