So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
